Dear Rainman,

Well I got the results, post middle pillar when i channel reiki it is a fairly big explosion of chakra cleaning. I hit my heart today, let's see what it results in. Said a brief prayr to Hecate, asked her to help with my hands make them light properly. Been working a bunch on intuition with E's help. I think it is growing stronger oddly enough. Regardless my room has gotten much more clean haha. Rugrat actually commented about how it was more colorful and alive. I generally enjoy how stuff is going. Tomorrow I will have work insanity though. Not sure where it'll come from.

SilverRose

Dear Rainman,

Well i guess if anything I've been getting better. Last night I was walking and this girl and guy came up to me who were supposed to show me something and pointed out that a bunch of stuff around us was haunted, i was like ok how is that a big deal? So a coupld jars started ratteling, I calmly looked at them and commanded them to stop. The lay still on the shelves. Then we continued on and something stronger attacked me. It was cold, and somewhat painful, but mostly trying to evoke a fear responce in me. I calmly began the lbrp. As soon as I began the cross part the ghost started screaming in extream pain, losing its form and shaking. After the cross part the girl stopped me saying not to kill the ghost, it was just trying to scare me. I relented and the ghost ran away as we continued on. Eventually we ended up in this large room where someone was giving a presentation on ghosts. To while away time i just kept chanting IO Ostara. I was sitting by some curtains which were being moved to try to choke me, and I calmly informed them I was not impressed. Some weird stuff started happening in the room and I ended up gathering everyone together and performing a massive lbrp to clear the room. Afterwords I was informed by the speaker that I was a guest lecturer there to inform people on the use and application of the lbrp in dealing with spirits, as well as how to do it. Charity/service work for the win.

Second dream was inspiration for the story i'm working on. Many many levels of fantastic.

Third dream was different again. i was consious and in control, it was like walking but not quite, more like astral work. E had to clerify quite a few things for me afterwords. So I got a telephone call from subway that I had work today at 3. I informed them that it was my day off and there was some mistake, ending up going in to work to correct this. At work Rachel was calmly seated eating a sandwhich. I was somewhat perpelexed as she did not know where I worked, and would not physically visit me. That was the cue that slipped me into consiousness, not only that I was walking, but also that I had a visitor. I finished up my work stuff, simple and walked away, Departing Rachel's presence. She calmly followed me as I chatted with a coworker. I ignored her until my coworker had returned to work. She approached me calmly and suggested that perhaps enough time had lapsed, it was time to return. I calmly contemplated her suggestion as I looked out the window. In truth I do miss some aspects of working in a circle, but I will never return to Rachel at anything beyond a fellow practitioner. She has proven her character and little has moved me to believe she has outgrown it. While I was looking out the window I saw a familiar shadow materialize, it was trying to blend into the surroundings but the more I noticed it the less it seemed to blend. Eventually Steve stood out side the window watching us. I frowned and summoned a pillar of light completly encasing him similar to the middle pillar ritual I have been doing. Rachel started screaming at me a 'what have you done?'. I calmly looked at her. "I have spoken with him about this before, he may come to me on matters of his own behalf and as I mean him no ill I shall do my best to assist him. However if he came to me on your behalf again, or as an accompaniment/backup to you I would view it as an attack and respond accordingly. This was why he was hiding, hoping to avoid being noticed. The pillar of light was a warning shot, for in his favoring of darkness he fears the light."

While I continued talking with Rachel, Steven came over looking pretty pissed surrounded by dark shadows. I calmly reminded him of my warning on his last visit and requested he leave. He refused and I sighed as he swore at me and began casting something. My perspective shifted and I appeared at his back. It was odd because i maintained both vantage points. Then I appeared in two more positions, one of me appearing at each of the cardnil directions, surrounding him. Rachel stood watching us as if she were unable how, let alone if she should interfear. The me's began walking clockwise humming softly. Steven's shadows suddenly started dissappearing and he tried to get out of the circle I was forming. A blue wall sprung up from the circle to meet him and the humming became a chant. By the time the circle was complete a brilliant white pillar cascaded from the sky. It drew him up several feet in the air and transformed him into a being of white light before he dissipated.

Suffice to say by this time Rachel was pretty freaked out and demanded of me what entirley I did. I shrugged and told her it would be worn off by the full moon. I then turned to her. I mean you no harm but I do not value your presence as a friend, or respect your ability as a practitioner. If you come to me again honor my request and come alone. If you are cowardly in your abilities and fearful in your company, feel free to bring Thomas, as he has my respect. With that she bolted in the opposite direction.

Upon returning I had a gread deal to talk about with E, the first of all a big wtf I did to Steven. He shrugged and was amused as he explained. Apparently I forcibly raised his vibration and solidified it in the same manner the middle pillar raises mine every time I do it. To appear and act in the manner he was doing was against his raised vibrational rate so he departed. A couple good things will happen to him as a result of the raised vibration and the solidity will wear off by the full moon when he can either choose to maintain it or let it resume its normal rate. During that time Rachel will recieve a bit of a karmic backlash from what was pulled in violating my request, but that's not something I need to worry about.

Overall I view it as quite a sucessful encounter. I am safe, intact, and more knowledgable. Steven got his vibrational rate raised and good things coming in his direction. Rachel got the message.

SilverRose

Dear Rainman,

Glarb i swore i wrote something and it got eaten by the cyberspace gremlins. I did the lbrp outside my house from inside my house the energy field was so solidified. I have a feeling i've built it up well, and am just doing general maitenence. Ok so for the second night in a row i've done middle pillar into reiki. Second night in a row i've gotten the blinding pain dizziness and the general omg i'm hitting the floor feeling. Middle pillar is getting fantastic though. The power is really picking up and building as I'm memorizing the names better and getting comfortable with it. I think what's happening when I blast the reiki, an intense pulsated cleaning/healing thing. Sorta like getting hit with radiation. I've also been hitting my crown chakra. I shall experiment tomorrow night with other chakras, but for now the room keeps spinning so i'm not goin to attempt it.

SilverRose

Dear Rainman,

I am fairly relieved, heard back from grandma, her she got back from the hospital, surgery was a sucess and alot simpler than it had oritionally seemed. The heater died, so twill be a fairly cold night, i'm counting on you to keep me warm. I'll do the lbrp from my bedroom as well as the middle pillar ending in physical devotionals. huzzah for the Hecate. I will say a brief prayr to her as i bend and shift. Poked a few job aps, thought of fist, he's really qualified for a bunch of them minus the B.A. Other than that life has been mundane. I'm working on backbends now, i can almost touch my head to my feet in the butterfly. Oh the chaos that i provoke with my existence.

SilverRose

Dear rainman,

last night i had a set of amorous dreams relating to i shall call him Kirk atm till i find another nickname. He's been making life fantastic latley. Did devotionals to hecate awsome lady that she is. Then during the lbrp it snapped in my head that the lesbian dream i wrote about a bit back about the 2 halves of me having sex, the priest leading it was kirk with glasses. Then went back to room to do middle pillar. Got to the extended version with the wrapping part and got envloped a bit, so psychotically powerful. So then I opened myself up using the reiki technique and tried to reiki myself as i do nightly. I got to only the first position and had such a blinding pain in my third eye I almost collapsed. I ended up in front of my altar rotating between an exposed backbend and laying on the floor prosterate as the pain built. Last prostrate I wanted to scream, a purple lotus sprung from the ground through my third eye and out the back of my head then Hecate walked through the wall through my alter and picked the lotus. She tucked it in her robes, then as I knelt before her with my hands extended she lightly placed it in my palms and guided them to my chest. I have no idea what just happened. But as she left, i got the sense that it was the sign i had requested and things would never be the same again.

SilverRose

Dear Rainman,

Last night the cards said that something would come up from my past and I would flail. My grandma goes in for heart surgery tomorrow.

SilverRose

Dear Rainman,

Getting better with the middle pillar exercise. Finished my library book. Neither liked the writing style nor the presentation of information as not only was it highly technical but it was also missing several links between chapters. The exercises, however do seem promising. I am going to copy them and utalize them regularly in a progressive manner to evaluate their validity. In other news I got the larger hunk of my occult library alphabetized. I need to watch the monies i spend so i can save more for the future. Joan called in and asked me about Reiki, certificate comes soon then I evaluate my finances and go searching for another teacher. For the second, right now I am somewhat lonley, satisfied with myself, but craving the connection of being tucked up safe next to someone just able to relax and let my guard down for a few brief seconds in this fast paced life.

SilverRose

Dear Rainman,

Last night i did a kick ass ritual. Repeated it this morning. I saw Eros and Ostara together in shining brilliance. I know for certain they are my patrons. They are also many levels of fantastic. Work was good. Working on the middle pillar, having slight difficulties circulating energy in the extended version. Not a block, just something different. I had a kickin ass dream last night which has sparked a story in my head. Many levels of amusment.

SilverRose

Dear Rainman,

For a few seconds i will indulge in being a girl. Mostly because i have lack of better option or coherency atm. I had an amazing conversation with my online friend, he makes me feel happy and intellectually stimulated. Hard to put into words. Then I red a chapter of Kraig's book, doing a great deal of thinking of high magick systems and religion in general. So far i've got the standard classification as high, low, and easter. Talked religion with da, history with mom. So I get back to fb and find out that stupid has made a post about going to germany. Suffice to say my chest has constricted 3 sizes smaller than it should be and my blood pressure shot up. Why I ask myself? Why does it matter. And Why am I having this reaction? My inner voice says that it is fear. An intense Fear of losing him. Good gods, this is an annoying feeling mostly because it means I still love him. You are hugging me which is helping burn of some of the excess energy. I'm back at the whatever stage of life. 3pts for shiny elementals. What E said was right "He will find what he needs to and end up in his propper place. It will happen as it is meant to be and you will thrive progressing as you are." Now I'm talking to my online friend and getting happy. Good gods i need a reality check.

SilverRose

Dear Rainman,

I dreamwalked last night as an astral being to help peoples. Oddly enough my presence was requested by Rachel for some reason. It was on behalf of someone else, represented by a small child. Regardless Rachel wanted to know how to establish a sympathetic link between the necklace she had and the oracle of delphi. I explained to her how to do it and she just sort of blinked at me as if it were way beyond her ability. I frowned pensivly and watched for a bit as the little girl came in, and I monitored the girl's behavior. Rachel said something snappy to thomas that she wanted to be able to do this regardless of the fact he was hurt and unable to help her as usual. I frowned and went over to Thomas, healing him to the best of my ability. Yes Rainman, despite what Rachel told me many moons ago Spirits can be healed just the same as people, you just do it differently. Theoretically I could probably heal you and Trina as well but that would require a hell of alot of elemental energy. So after Thomas was healed I bowed and did the kata. Then returned to Rachel. I was growing swiftly bored as it soon became apparent that not only was Rachel unable to do the oracle casting on her own but the girl was far from deserving the aid. I sighed and debated wether or not I wanted to channel the oracle directly using my body as it would not be too difficult. Once you're already in astral all you have to do is a bit of tweeking with time and geography and you can channel or summon basically anything that is willing or of lesser vibration. Warrented it is usually most polite to ask first. Rachel requested I do it but then I frowned. I refused on the fact that to summon an oracle for someone who's most important question would be 'will I get a poney for christmas' is disrespectful not only to the oracle herself, but Apollo and the others she serves. I bowed to Thomas, and then left as I was being called to aid elsewhere.

Such is strangeness that I exist in. On the mundane level I need to remember to do a blood sacrafice to the land as it is that time of month.

SilverRose

Dear Rainman,

Realized something interesting today. I associate prosperity with having ample food. It is fairly interesting to think about. I worked today with Joe and had a blast. All Tis good.

SilverRose

Dear Rainman

OMGs I finally caught up on astral work. I've been horrible about it latley, focusing in on the daily maintenece aspect. So First I did a sweep, IAO and a seperation from my body. I drained and clensed my chakras and fixed my sinuses, which started having immediate effects. E watched and guided as I did. So then I went to the temple. Someone threw a plant through the window over the sink!!! WTf. So I had to sweep up the shattered pieces of pottery and the dirt, giving them to Rainman in the fireplace to digest. Then I repotted the plant and made it bloom. It started sprouting really pretty red pods, E said they were for health and the preservation of beauty, to putt in with my herbal supplies when they had seeded and dried. I Did a wtf and E pointed out a mess of jars, grinders, potion bottles. I did an uhhh... I had no idea these were here. E looked at me sideways and asked why I hadn't seen these before Every night I came in and brewed stuff, potions and poltrices. I then walked over to the desk and did some readings about my past life, looked into the most recent one and memorized a bunch of sigils. I found a triangle of summoning and summoned out of me my past life. He was sitting there and we promptly moved to an office room to chat. He said he would help me reawaken the social skills that he spent his life working on within me so I could take the cliffnotes version or skip some of the tests entirley. I agreed. Then I bounced into Serpent and we went to the field of light. Then the strangest thing happened While energizing in the light I had a split consiousness where I was half in the light field with serpent, and half in the temple. Someone had appeared in the window earlier when it was broken, before I fixed the thing. I saw them on a street and we went back to the temple. I was mixing him a poltrice with stones and herbs, for he had a problem of sorts while he sat on E's chair. In that me I asked E what I was doing, he instructed me to finish the poltrice and we'd chat when i was finished meditating. I finished the light energizing with serpent, focusing my activity more on that. So after that the weirdest shithappened, I astraled stronger than I ever had before both into and above my body, over and over. KO sex magick going on, but eventually woke up and did the anubis meditation. That was sucessful, and I visited him on a boat where he talked to me about how the ankh fit into my current goal to become a force of love. He showed me a way of using the ankh to further intigrate my past life into my present, and to make contact with the him that was me. I ended the meditation and did a brief fill up with prosperity into my life.

Afterwords brief discussion with E and as I am running late again to work lol it shall be brief. Each life has a goal to further my overarching goal. The last one was to help me with people skills. The lesbian before that wasn't meant to be a long one, but meant to manifest me connections with people and start me on the path of wicca. As she was raised in the faith she can teach me much of what i missed not being raised in it. I am in a stall, where the best way to further my life in the present is to take stock of the lessons i learned in lives past. So many versions of me that were not me it is fairly boggling.

Then E mentioned what i was doing with the poltrices. Part of being a force of love, and living a force of love is service to others. As I am not in a position on the physical relm to aid others, I have been doing it 24/7 on the astral without memory. Something about memory requires thanks and ego, it is not complete service? So yeah... apparently I'm becoming a local healer/hedgewitch that people are visiting for aid. That would explain why my daily physical stuff has been kicking butt.

SilverRose

Dear Rainman,

Good gods have I been bad about keeping this regular. hmmm what's going on. The ankh meditation last night... didn't go so well. THe ankh came in more brilliant than before but I saw Anpu then fell asleep. Sooo annoying. Lessee, the day before that I talked to stupid. It was an interesting conversation, we are in vastly vastly different stages of our lives and vastly vastly different peoples. Good convo though I think. Prior to that I had a long talk with Serpent about Stupid. It was very much an ok, if what you're telling me is true you can figure out how to make it happen, i've got other things i'm focusing on and not going to worry about it. The night before that I had a lovley time when I made peace with Wolfman? It was semi bogglesome as I had already done it but this time he actually found me. I was polite, we had a nice discussion, and all was good. I don't think I'll be seeing him again in this incarnation, or any of his affiliates.

In practical matters, I've continued doing my nightly lbrp and let me say omg its sooo friggin cold and gross outside. At least it isn't a long ritual. Today I ran about in the snow, in a way it was somewhat more pleasureable and effective than guiding the light with my fingers.

After LBRP, tis Middle Pillar. Which I am definatly starting to feel the powerflow from. Then tis reiki on me and my lil bamboo.

So far all is good. Rick is crazy, I seriously want to take him down a peg or two, but it means lowering myself to do so. Workwise i got complimented in my progress report yesterday by CArol which was many levels of awsome. Today I had to shovel the snow in front of the building four times. It was sort of cold to put it mildly.

My aura is changing color, it is interesting, I don't want to change it totally though, I'd rather layer it.

SilverRose

in all honesty, i don't know how much more of this austin college drama i can take. t-minus four days until i'm back in my northern home with proper pizza and bagels and where my mommy makes me tea and i don't have to be in charge of everything and i don't have everyone relying on me for 24/7 emotional support. i would love a night's sleep to go uninterrupted for once. i'd love not to be kept up past 4am listening to someone cry. i'd love to let someone else worry about everything for a while.

i just need a break from all of this.

Dear Rainman,

I discovered a long time ago that love could be the greatest weapon because it is ultimatley the mose powerful of emotion. This is why true love is so difficult to both emit and attain. It causes one's vibrational rate to raise, as one sees the world differently. I wish to become above all else a force of love. Help me to accomplish this.

SilverRose

Dear Rainman,

Reiki attunment today. Interesting results. Got a symbol. It is something I want to continue, but not something I plan on taking more classes of with the same instructor. I'm kinda sleepy. I desire to cuddle and sleep.

However I feel as if I should write more on this. Last night I found a bunch of birds about my temple. A peacock appeared and said that they were given permission. I spoke a great deal with the peacock and he picked away the binding and debris on my hands making them bleed. Then serpent appeared and we went off into a field. He knelt and cured my hands, comforting them and absorbing the pain while his eyes transmuted from their normal green or brown to a bright red as he absorbed the poison. Then we wandered over to Eros's hill, and we all said hi. I ended up curled up asleep in serpents arms on the tree that grows behind Eros.

Today during Reiki, my instructor mentioned she would like to come back as a guardian, that she was an old soul and wanted to give back and help people. I laughed a bit and said I was fairly new and had at least three more lifetimes to run off of the promises i've made and have been made to me.

During one of the meditations I saw myself and a gaggle of my children falling into a pile of leaves as my husband called us in for dinner, so strange.

SilverRose

Dear Rainman,

Well the sphere i was watching is not meant to be, to whatever degree of pout that is. I suspected it wasn't, but my interactions helped put its owner on the right path. Today did Anomly's meditation. It really is energizing. It had a different sort of feel to it, I think its being sucessful. I did the IAO b/f hand. Ironically the O extended to the very outmost of my sphere I have been establishing and strengthening with the lbrp on a daily basis. I was semi amused. Weird meditation in the shower. I realized I have a habit of falling for people who for one reason or another were unable to love me, mostly as an ok if i'm patient and give them love eventually they'll love me back. Now that I have found a true, genuine self love (thank you for the help Trina) I am really not looking for an outside love. It is strange to see and contemplate.

SilverRose

Dear Rainman,

Tried a psychic enhancement a few days back... apparently my gift is the ability to see energy because after that the lights got brighter. I am mostly prepping for tomorrow. It should be excitable.

SilverRose